Trying to archive the unarchivable, doing all the categorizing, and navigating this world of small presses has been really fascinating to me. It feels to me like hopping through different portals (or on spaceships!) and being able to visit new worlds that I never knew existed, and in seeing all these different worlds learning more about my own and about the universe as a whole. I think rather than trying to capture this world of small presses, this has felt more like working to make those portals to these different worlds more accessible to other people. When I consider how violent the language of “capturing” these worlds is, I realize that that was never my goal.
Cataloging these worlds, however, came with making some decisions about what to and what not to include about these worlds that people have created. I’ve done some grappling with whether I should stick to honoring the press and its creators’ wishes and language in their entirety or I should omit information and certain language used in these worlds for the sake of clarity and consistency in what we’re doing, especially, again, in terms of accessibility for other people too. Sometimes certain presses have specific language on their page or structure their about pages and blurbs about themselves in different ways, and in those cases, they create niche worlds that invite those who know if they know. Then this brings me to moments where I think, “But what about the people who want to know?” And sometimes, I must think about whether or not I’m trusting the poeple who will eventually have access to this information enough to be able to get it on their own without my interference. On one hand, I could be helping people. On the other, I don’t need to hold everyone’s hands; the people who will be able to see this stuff can probably handle it.
Sometimes I visit these worlds, and then I return to my own, and it feels like whatever I say isn’t doing these worlds justice. I want to tell people, “you just have to see this for yourself, it’s so cool.” And I just want so badly for people to see the full picture but there are so many of these different worlds to see, and it’s frustrating that nobody can go see all of them. Or maybe they can. And maybe we’re the gateway.
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